Monday, March 11, 2013

Birds of a Feather - Flock On TV Together

Whew!... Just thinking about my last post really exasperates me.

What I didn't mention which overlaps within the mentioned characters 'Mature-Guy' and 'Brilliant CTO' (from 'Tales from the Trenches')   a continued chapter to that sad tale.

It begins during the same time period, with a 'referral' from 'Mature-Guy' - to yet another group of people who were equally incompetent.  I know... amazing! but it can happen!  Looking back.... that fact, is about the only thing that makes perfect sense here.


who are incompetent
usually know others like themself and they form  a flock together!  really!

For the vulnerable - as in a bright-eyed person.... you may be slugging down glasses of wonderfully sweetened Kool-aid....dreaming of brand awareness and that you're  in good hands -  'lesson' learned here;....... always be cautious.   

So when the referral group swooped in to conclude that they had done an 'internal test' to determine our brand was an 'absolute match' to their 'internal criteria' for development of a 'made-for-TV' commercial in which they would develop for us  -  it made sense to me!  (I must have been drunk) ... really? boy, was that amazing! - how could we have been so lucky? 

We naturally, did our due diligence and heard glowing recommendations (probably calling unsuspecting family members) we also recalled through this vetting process; 'whatever the outcome is of the 'media test' - we have major connections and long-term relationships with high-profile this can't fail.' (really?!)

Their plan, (after money was  delivered)....was to create a 60 second informercial to 'test' on a cable outlet to then determine if we could (please) bring them more bags-of-money.

The business model here now reminds me of a portrait photographer who of course, thinks you're beautiful and model-worthy...because they're interested in making an expensive portfolio for you - then... you're on your own!

For us, that meant working for weeks on an appropriate script (under their keen eye),  flying to the location of  'the shoot'.... seeing final edit .... to  understand that the media-time which would be purchased was a bundled package on cable (to millions of viewers) packed into a 1 week media test schedule.  Designated time was booked like flying standby... and not particularly trackable.... which makes sense because 'birds-of-a-feather' fly standby together.

So this is what happens when the client's best interests are not even a thought; 60 second Infomercial is produced, media schedule is paid for and from there;  it's fiddle-de-de .... all you have left is to monitor visitors to your website or designated landing page ..... when your commercial runs it's air time and when it's loose in the system it's 'air' :) 

A Slow Death?
After the first day, like torture.... I began watching a 97% 'bounce rate' on the analytics ..... panic- strickened.... I contacted 'our person' who assured me this was just fine and to wait.

For those who need a 'lesson' on 'Bounce Rates'... it means your 'target audience' is 'bouncing out’ of engaging with your website or your landing page (as in, not purchasing or even hanging around to read something new!)  - concluding in our case, that we must have been placed in an obscure time-slot-rotation in which we were ill suited.  (DUH)

Our brand for this 'test' was targeted for women over 40+ so it was a wide net to reach.... but when the 'net' is a program like the 'Happy Trout Fisherman' (or something of that nature where women are not known to watch) you will likely not see a lot of interest.   Moreover, we might as well have thrown $$$ in a dirty lake, because there was really no way to track the air time to that detail.  So at this point (when the torture began)  we knew nothing ..... later we knew even less.... so nothing was changed and we rode this ride to the end with very little results. It was what anyone would call a complete BUST!

But wait?..... didn't this group say they had 'major contacts' in the catalog world ?!.... You probably know what's coming next with that ;... when you are full-on incompetent in this area, your contacts will not be very effective. We are still waiting to be 'placed' but I'm not holding my breath (anymore)... we have moved on!



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About Me- I'm everywhere!

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anywhere and everywhere, USA, Illinois, United States
I'm a sassy, very distracted older mom...with lots of wild stories (and rants) about my family and life...Daughter 20, college student, sassy, unpredictable, violin playing, animal enthusiast...Son, 17 video addict, Chess playing-star / trombone player...husband (old, tired, chronically stressed and impatient, but a good sport nonetheless) The underbelly of life for me; I’m a bright eyed ‘entrepreneur’ – just now completing Kool-aid Rehab a frightening 12 step process to figure out what I am doing with my life. On the home front, we have a gang of animals that keep the place lively too! 'Emma', dirty ungroomed Sheepdog, 'Lollipop' a smart Border Collie/Chow Chow also referred to as 'Daddy's Little Fatty', 2 cats; one eyed 'Winky' and emotionally disturbed- beyond crabby ....'Babycakes' (it's complicated,) 1 bird 'Tutu', and finally 'Templeton' (a.k.a. Little Shit)- a teeny dog who loves to 'run' .... more trouble than all put together and dumb as a stick. but we love him! :)